Adoption Wise
ADOPTION FACILITATORS IN CALIFORNIA (Continue)
Written by KS
Thursday, 23 November 2006
Page 2 of 3
Most states however, require a social service agent to make an assessment and have a
private communication with the birth mother before relinquishments are signed. This may
or may not be the only counseling the birth parents or birth mother receives depending on
her need or your requests when you are in an arranged private adoption plan.
Why then do families use the services of a facilitator? The simple reason is that some
agency adoptions have rules that may keep the family from adopting in a timely manner if at
all. Those rules may be as simple as the couple already has a child, or they may only allow
one adoption in a certain period of time. The agency may have rules about race or religion,
or perhaps same sex couples. Facilitators have only one rule, and that is to connect birth
parents that are wishing place a child for adoption, with adopting parents where each
parties' requirements for a "private" adoption meet with the same expectation as the other
party in the process. Facilitators are experts at matching people together just like match
making for wedded bliss is done by "match makers" since time began. An agency may not
be able to show you a list of possible matches if your circumstances do not meet the
qualifications of the agency.
Facilitators are best at marketing your desire to become a parent or to parent more
children. They are the intermediary and the coach to assisting the parties in how to find and
communicate with each other. Facilitators are most helpful in assisting you with proven
methods of working with all the parties involved in the process and advising you of pitfalls
before they happen.
Facilitators can only be as helpful as you allow them to be by your communications with
them. After a "match" is made some families move straight to an attorney to handle
paperwork and forget that personalities and emotions are a part of the process. If the
process becomes too cold, sometimes birth parents back away from the desire to relinquish
the child. The issue of money generally enters into the equation in that most states allow
for what is known as reasonable expenses to be paid to a birth mother. This becomes a
fine line of emotions, trust and knowledge of the laws that could end your adoption as well
as tricky communication with each of the parties at times. Most facilitators and attorneys
advise adopting parents not to become directly involved with the birth parents to the extent
of negotiating reasonable financial need and directly giving birth parents cash.
In an effort to take charge and deal directly with the birth parents, some adopting parents
become ripe for being taken advantage of or other forms of emotional and financial
extortion. Sometimes extortion is not the intent of birth parents, but the needs can be so
great, and the direct involvement with adopting parents sometimes leaves an impression of
wealth with the birth parents. The appearance of wealth can be difficult for someone in
great need to ignore. Laws are in place to make sure that children are not sold or used to
extort. This becomes a very fine line in some cases. Having an experienced intermediary
helps to keep things clearly defined and assists in the record keeping required by the
courts. An experienced intermediary such as a facilitator is sometimes better equipped to
answer or handle difficult situations such as finances, assessing need vs. greed or
negotiate poorly chosen statements when communication is becoming challenging. With a
facilitator in the mix you will always be able to say to the birth parents that you will have to
take their desires or needs into consideration and consult with the facilitator, agency, and
or attorneys. You will not have to be in a position of giving an immediate answer, or sending
quick cash to what is presented as an urgent situation to you. There will be others to
assess the situation so emotional decisions will not need to be a reason for misunderstood,
misaddressed situations or a failed adoption.
PAGE 1 - 3
<PREVIOUS NEXT >
Written by KS
Thursday, 23 November 2006
Page 2 of 3
Most states however, require a social service agent to make an assessment and have a
private communication with the birth mother before relinquishments are signed. This may
or may not be the only counseling the birth parents or birth mother receives depending on
her need or your requests when you are in an arranged private adoption plan.
Why then do families use the services of a facilitator? The simple reason is that some
agency adoptions have rules that may keep the family from adopting in a timely manner if at
all. Those rules may be as simple as the couple already has a child, or they may only allow
one adoption in a certain period of time. The agency may have rules about race or religion,
or perhaps same sex couples. Facilitators have only one rule, and that is to connect birth
parents that are wishing place a child for adoption, with adopting parents where each
parties' requirements for a "private" adoption meet with the same expectation as the other
party in the process. Facilitators are experts at matching people together just like match
making for wedded bliss is done by "match makers" since time began. An agency may not
be able to show you a list of possible matches if your circumstances do not meet the
qualifications of the agency.
Facilitators are best at marketing your desire to become a parent or to parent more
children. They are the intermediary and the coach to assisting the parties in how to find and
communicate with each other. Facilitators are most helpful in assisting you with proven
methods of working with all the parties involved in the process and advising you of pitfalls
before they happen.
Facilitators can only be as helpful as you allow them to be by your communications with
them. After a "match" is made some families move straight to an attorney to handle
paperwork and forget that personalities and emotions are a part of the process. If the
process becomes too cold, sometimes birth parents back away from the desire to relinquish
the child. The issue of money generally enters into the equation in that most states allow
for what is known as reasonable expenses to be paid to a birth mother. This becomes a
fine line of emotions, trust and knowledge of the laws that could end your adoption as well
as tricky communication with each of the parties at times. Most facilitators and attorneys
advise adopting parents not to become directly involved with the birth parents to the extent
of negotiating reasonable financial need and directly giving birth parents cash.
In an effort to take charge and deal directly with the birth parents, some adopting parents
become ripe for being taken advantage of or other forms of emotional and financial
extortion. Sometimes extortion is not the intent of birth parents, but the needs can be so
great, and the direct involvement with adopting parents sometimes leaves an impression of
wealth with the birth parents. The appearance of wealth can be difficult for someone in
great need to ignore. Laws are in place to make sure that children are not sold or used to
extort. This becomes a very fine line in some cases. Having an experienced intermediary
helps to keep things clearly defined and assists in the record keeping required by the
courts. An experienced intermediary such as a facilitator is sometimes better equipped to
answer or handle difficult situations such as finances, assessing need vs. greed or
negotiate poorly chosen statements when communication is becoming challenging. With a
facilitator in the mix you will always be able to say to the birth parents that you will have to
take their desires or needs into consideration and consult with the facilitator, agency, and
or attorneys. You will not have to be in a position of giving an immediate answer, or sending
quick cash to what is presented as an urgent situation to you. There will be others to
assess the situation so emotional decisions will not need to be a reason for misunderstood,
misaddressed situations or a failed adoption.
PAGE 1 - 3
<PREVIOUS NEXT >
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |